Clevelanders Survival Guide To Florida | The Daily Bragger

A Clevelander’s Surival Guide To Florida

I’m not in Cleveland anymore.
April 11, 2010
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May 28, 2010

A Clevelander’s Surival Guide To Florida

I have been a lifelong Clevelander. (Except for a time when I lived in Brooklyn…that’s an entirely different article.)

If you are Clevelander and you want to come down to Florida there are a few things you will need to know before you head down here.

Bring sunscreen – duh. My precious Cleveland skin wasn’t used to the sun and the first day I was here I got these tiny blisters on my fingers. After getting them checked out, I found out that it was a type of eczema brought on by not being used to the sun..it’s called dihydrosis.  Don’t worry it will go away or you can prevent it by using sunscreen on your hands.

Make sure the A/C in your car works. People will look at you funny if you have your car windows open in 90 degree weather.  They will know you are not opening your car windows to get fresh air…it’s because you really didn’t make sure your air conditioner was charged before you left for Florida.

If you want to fit in, don’t wear shorts in 60 degree weather.

Learn how to pronounce words so they sound Spanish.  Boca Raton should be pronounced Bow-ka Ra-tone. Clevelanders pronounce it Boca Ratan.

Pop is still pop down here unless you run into a New Yorker who will still call it Soda.

After an hour of watching TV you will see around 15 ads for lawyers. Personal injury lawyers. Tim Misney is not known here in South Florida.

In Cleveland the bars close at 2am. In some parts of South Florida…they don’t close. Especially Miami.

Watch the weather before you go into the Ocean. They usually give jellyfish warnings or warnings about the currents.

Be prepared to pay more for some things and less for others. Fruit is cheap. Razor blades are not.

Don’t say “Where is this rain coming from? – when it’s sunny. It even rains  while the sun is shining.

If it rains wait 5 minutes. It will probably stop.

Watch out for cars with New York State plate.

Watch out for older drivers.

Watch out!

There are no Walmarts or Target stores in Boca Raton.

Walmart in Boynton beach is like a 3rd world country.

Boca Raton is a 3rd world country filled with douches

Panhandlers are allowed to stand at major intersections and ask for money.

The same panhandlers usually work the corners near a gas station so they can slam a few beers then work the corner again for beer money.

You will wait a long time for a table at your favorite restaurant during November to April when the snow birds are here.

I’m sure there is more to come to this Clevelander’s Survival Guide to Florida.

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